Does our World Need More ‘Lore’ and Less ‘Law’?

Does our World Need More ‘Lore’ and Less ‘Law’?

I was at a function recently where the customary ‘Welcome to Country’ (see a link HERE if you are not familiar with this custom) was conducted by a local and charismatic Aboriginal Elder ‘Uncle’ Bill Smith. This ‘Welcome’ was being conducted at a function to mark World Suicide Prevention Day.

Most similar ceremonies that I have experienced are relatively short and usually involve the Elder simply welcoming the participants, to a meeting or conference for example, to their ‘Country’. Aboriginal people are considered (by most) people in Australia as the traditional custodians of our Country and this custom acknowledges this.

The approach taken by Uncle* Bill was a little different. I learnt a lot from his short time talking with us that morning. In his ‘Welcome’, he spoke about our local area; its history and importantly its story. He also shared some insights into Aboriginal well-being and culture. His key point to us was, that if our focus is on the prevention of suicide, we ought to concentrate on fostering greater community and togetherness, and on also sharing our stories with each other. He pointed out that there is real healing (and preventative) power that can come from participating in community and storytelling. It was a poignant and relevant introduction to the day.

In making this point, Uncle Bill highlighted to us the importance in Aboriginal culture, of stories shared and passed down through generations by Elders. He referred to this as “walking, sharing and learning together” and said “our stories are how we learn and how we support each other”.

This at the heart of what I would like to share in this piece today.

As I reflect on our society today and in particular in how we go about work, it seems to me that we often discount the power and importance of sharing stories. In fact, I would argue stronger than this, and suggest that in our work, the sharing of stories is often frowned upon and too easily terminated, rather than embraced.

For example, have you ever been in conversation with someone at work (sharing a story) and felt guilty. You know, those conversations that end with; “well we had better get back to work”. It seems like building relationships and sharing stories is sometimes not considered work. Why is that?

Perhaps this is what happens when you understand people for their utility rather than their creativity, their uniqueness and their reason for being? Don’t we need more stories? And, do we understand what stories really are?

Some people may also argue that we already have connection and connectedness in our modern world. These same people may sight social media as their example. But do we? Are the articles, posts and opinion pieces (just like this one!) that we read and share on social media, done in the spirit that Uncle Bill was referring to?

Perhaps there is a lot that we can learn by reflecting on Uncle Bill’s idea of sharing stories, particularly at work, and certainly in risk and safety.

After I heard Uncle Bill talk, I was reminded of a book that De got a while ago from another local (to me) Aboriginal Elder, (Uncle) Paul Callaghan. Paul’s book is called Iridescence and it provides some great insights and further learning that was prompted by Uncle Bill’s talk.

Paul starts his book with his “6 L’s Model” in which he describes as:

“The 6 Ls is a model that demonstrates the relevance of the wisdom on the Old People in our modern World. The model provides you with a different way of thinking about who you are, where you fit in and your obligations in life” (p.15)

The six “Ls” are; Lore, Love, Look, Listen, Learn and Lead.

It is the first of the six ‘Ls’, the L of ‘Lore” that I will focus on in this piece. As Paul notes:

“And the first L we call Lore. L-O-R-E law comes from a word called folklore” (p.16)

‘LORE’ in Paul’s world is about stories, and as he notes; “In the Aboriginal world everything, every different species, type of rock, animal, reptile and person has a story” (p.17). He further notes:

“Story was critical in traditional Aboriginal people’s lives and provided the platform to ensure connectedness between the individual and their surroundings. From the day you were born, you were taught the importance of your surroundings and to connect with and respect those surroundings. Aboriginal people often call their surroundings ‘their place’ or ‘their country’” (p.16)

Paul also suggests that:

“A story has flow and connection. For many of us we don’t live a story. We don’t flow and connect. We choose to love a chaotic, unconnected scattering of sentences. No wonder we feel unfulfilled.” (p.27)

It seems to me that this tradition and history within Aboriginal culture could teach us all a thing or two if only we reflected more on the lives and ways of the original inhabitants of our land. The idea of sharing stories is about love and being with each other, rather than the content and technique of a conversation. As Paul notes:

“Aboriginal L-O-R-E is an experience of unity and connectedness underpinned by love. Non-Aboriginal L-A-W is an experience of compliance, control and authority underpinned by fear of potential punishment” (p.16)

Why do we seem to have lost our ability to ‘walk, share and learn’ together? Why is it that our connection in today’s world is through ‘likes’ and ‘shares’? What happened to conversation? Why do we often feel guilty when we are sharing stories, ideas and building relationships? Have we become so focused on efficiency and utility that we have lost our way in how we ‘connect and share’? Do we appreciate our ‘elders’ in the way that our Aboriginal brothers and sisters do?

I don’t think there would be many in our world today who would argue that L-A-W is not important and of course it is necessary in supporting living in community. Certainly the opposite in a ‘laissez faire’ approach would mean chaos and way too much ambiguity for most people to deal with.

However, I do wonder; does our world need more ‘Lore’ and Less ‘Law’?

What are your thoughts on this idea?

* The term ‘Uncle’ is often used in Aboriginal communities when referring to their Elders.

 

Author:
Robert Sams

Email:                       robert@dolphyn.com.au

Web:                          www.dolphyn.com.au

Book:                        Social Sensemaking – Click HERE to Order

100 Books Sold in Week One

New Book – Social Sensemaking

 

This book, and the idea itself of Social Sensemaking©, was born from a search for a more humanistic approach and methodology to supporting people to deal with risk. That is because in order to make sense of risk, we need to commune and converse with others; it is a social activity.

The book is written in the form of a ‘reflective journal’; it is not a text or a report on formal research. Instead, it is a collaboration of stories and experiences in how we make sense of decisions and judgments; particularly about risk. It questions the traditional controlling and dictating methods that can be too easily adopted by the Risk, Safety and HR fields, and offers ideas that are more ‘humanising’.

We invite you to join in the ‘learning adventure’ shared in the book – you can order your copy now.

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Here is what people are saying about the book:

Social Sensemaking fills a critical gap in the risk and safety professions in that it provides a different, more humanistic perspective on how to deal with people, our most precious resource. Rob does a great job balancing very technical, sometimes sensitive topics, but in a way that is approachable and practical. These ideas are powerful and have great potential to make positive change in any organization.

We were thrilled to read the review by Rob Long after his first reading of the book.

Rob notes; “How timely then is this book as it brings fresh and invigorating insight into the challenges of risk.” and; “The first thing that this book does is model its own message. It is a book of humble enquiry and narrative about discovery, learning and maturing. Rob Sams has articulated his journey very well and provides a structure and style that allows the reader to join in that journey.

You can read the full review for yourself HERE.

I love the idea of a reflective journal; this fits so well with both Rob’s style and the intention of the book in being one that inspires people on their own ‘adventure’ as Rob calls it.

I have learned that life and people can be challenging to understand; as Rob says, we are grey, messy and at times perplexing creatures, and our decisions and responses are layered and complex and nuanced.  It can be hard to make sense of things. That is where this book provides some great insights.

This is a book for anyone interested in learning more about people, about why we do what we do and how we make sense of things – or even whether we need to. I feel most privileged that much of what is written in this book I have experienced firsthand. I have gone on my own journey as a result of my many discussions with Rob, and I look forward to future travels.

Would You Like to Get a Feel for the Book Before Ordering?

To give readers a sense of what the book is about, Chapter One along the Preface and book Index, are available to download now for free. Simply click HERE, or on go to Dolphyn’s ‘Book Page‘.

Chapter One sets the scene for the book with Rob sharing a story about a special mate, Beavo. It is a reflection of a great mate and a fitting story to begin an exploration in better understanding people and how we engage with risk.

Order Your Copy Today

If you’d like to read the book for yourself, you can now order your copy now by clicking on the link below:

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Dolphyn Newsletter – July 2016

Dolphyn’s latest Newsletter is out with updates on:

  • Our First Book called Social Sensemaking : a reflective journal, how we make sense of risk. 
  • The launch of Dr Robert Long’s latest book – Risk Conversations : The Law, Social Psychology and Risk
  • An update on Dolphyn’s revised Due Diligence program
  • Information about the upcoming SEEK Program in Melbourne
  • Links to our most popular blogs over the past few months

We’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback, so why not drop us a line at contact@dolphyn.com.au

Of if you’d like to learn more about Rob Sams’ first book Social Sensemaking, send us a note and we will put you on our mailing list.

You can read a full copy of the Newsletter HERE

The Power in Silence

The Power in Silence

Effective communication, conversation and consultation are vital in our support of others to learn about, and discern risk. So vital in fact, that if I were asked; “what is the one of the most helpful things that we could do to better support others in dealing with risk? I would certainly include conversations high up on the list.

So this sounds pretty straight forward right? We can better support others simply by striking up more conversations, by chatting with people more, or by having a yarn?

But is it that simple? And, if it is, why do so many of us struggle to do this well?

In this piece, I ponder on how we can make our conversations effective. In particular, I explore the power that silence may play in this.

While it may seem counter-intuitive (particularly for us in the western world), silence can be one of the most impactful, and influential, part of any conversation. If our focus is on others, speaking less and listening more, are critical ingredients in the mix of what makes a conversation effective.

That is, when we direct our attention to what Buber calls, ‘meeting’ people, rather than simply existing with them, this is when we really join in relationship with others. Sometimes it might be what we don’t say that can create ‘meeting’, rather than existing.

Sometimes not responding with answers to questions, or concerns, is the most powerful response. And sometimes, when we allow the space and time for thinking and reflection, this is when others can learn so much.  If we see our role to provide answers and solutions to every problem, perhaps this is one of the things that makes silence in conversation seem counter intuitive, and uncomfortable.

So why can silence be so hard to deal with at times? Why may we find it awkward and distressing? And, why do we so often feel the need to fill the space of silence with words and constant chatter?

I share my reflection on this HERE.

Beware – Hazardous OINTMENT

Beware – Hazardous OINTMENT

One thing that I have become deeply aware of over the past few years is the impact that social arrangements have on us, especially in how we make decisions and judgments about risk.

Many of our decisions and choices are impacted, often through our unconscious, by a multitude of factors from the world around us. However, we can easily be seduced into thinking we are ‘in complete control’ of our decisions,
but are we? We’d probably like to think that we ‘make a choice’ in every decision we make, but do we? We often believe that we are individuals, and our choices and decisions are ours alone, but are they?

These are some of the questions that occupy my time in thinking about decision making in risk.

Our social arrangements and the impact of the environment we live in are so powerful, and critical, in our decision making, it can often be challenging to; first, recognise what arrangements are impacting on us, and secondly, to make sense of them. I suspect that many of us blissfully go about our lives without being very aware of the impact that organisations and cultures (i.e. social arrangements) may be having on how we think and make decisions.

I imagine many organisations similarly struggle to both understand, and deal with, the same challenges.

So why is this?

READ THE FULL POST FIRST PUBLISHED HERE

The Power in Helping

“…at the beginning, every helping relationship is a state of imbalance. The client is one down and therefore vulnerable; the helper is one up and therefore powerful” (p. 35)

Edgar Schein in Helping (2011, p. 35)

I wonder if one of the greatest privileges and opportunities we may have as a human being is to be either the recipient, or giver of, ‘help’.

Being the recipient of help may be as simple as someone picking up something that we’ve dropped on the ground, through to being supported and ‘met’ after the loss of a loved one or during a relationship break up.

The giving of help on the other hand may be to work side by side with someone on a task, through to coaching a work colleague or friend through a challenging situation.

Of course, there are many, many more examples of how help is given or received.

It would seem then that helping would always be a good thing right….. or is it? Could helping someone be a bad thing? Or, are these even the right questions to be considering when contemplating the topic of ‘help’?

As I sit here tonight, thinking and reflecting on the theme of helping, I realise, like most things in life, that there is more to helping than an approach that might consider it as either good or bad. Perhaps, like so many other facets of life, we need to better understand the paradoxical nature of helping? When we consider things from this perspective, we open up a whole new thinking of how helping others may impact on relationships. This may not be obvious if our thinking is limited to the binary method of good and bad.

For example, I wonder if we consider the significant power that can be shifted when a helping relationship is established?

There can be great power in helping others, however, do we also understand, and are we cognisant of how this power may work? Further, do we reflect on how the power in helping may impact on our relationships if it is not considered and respected?

Read the Full Post First Published HERE

What I Learned from Pete’s Ball of Wool

What I Learned from Pete’s Ball of Wool

It was a balmy night in Sydney last Thursday. A good setting to catch up with a friend for dinner and then enjoy a leisurely stroll back to my hotel.

Before you become too concerned and turn off, bare with me as no, this is not my audition for Mills and Boon, nor a story of love and treasured moments….

Or is it….?

This story is about connecting with people living a life without the need for much of the ‘things’ that many of us consider as a sign of success in life. This is also a story of sharing an experience and conversation with a people who, while living a very basic existence in respect of materials, find their wealth in connection and community.

While we can become easily sucked into the commercial offerings that our very capitalist society offers and constantly dangles in front of us, when we can resist this seduction, and strip away our need to conform with societies temptations for wealth and materialism, we can learn so much about what is at the heart of what is important to all humans; meaning and purpose.

Last Thursday night while walking home after dinner, James and I came across the Exodus Foundation Night Van, which;

Each night, this specially-equipped van takes hot food prepared at Loaves and Fishes to Yurong Parkway, Woolloomooloo, near St Mary’s Cathedral.

This service provides a hot dinner to the poor and homeless serving between 150 and 200 people each day, between 7:30 and 8:30pm.

We’d never before had the privilege of spending time meeting with people at ‘the coalface’ like we did last Thursday night. This is a place where life is very different to what I experience daily.

James and I shared in some special conversations as people came and went, enjoying a hearty meal along the way. We were joined in conversation with two particularly special people, Neil and Pete.

Neil is a passionate Case Manager who, while having a story of his own to share about living on the streets, plays a great role of connecting people with all of the services that help them move from being homeless to ‘homed’. Neil was great in conversation and you could tell that his vocation of supporting others suits him just fine. Much better it would seem, than the very miserable life he described when he was a very senior corporate manager with a large corporation.

It was Pete though who really intrigued me.

Pete described that he is currently ‘couch surfing’ and hoped to soon be accepted into public housing, something that he was very proud of. We were chatting for about 5 minutes when Pete did something that caught me by surprise, he pulled out a ball of yellow wool and started knitting what he told me was a child’s blanket. Pete was going ‘hammer and tong’ with this knitting, a skill he told me that his Grandmother shared with him about 10 years ago. He was very good.

I asked who the blanket was for and he told me that he knits for the kids in the Children’s Hospital who’s life was not as good as his. What a humble man.

He told me that he gets the wool from one of two places; either from the Hospital who give him balls in exchange for the blankets or; he buys them from a shop with the money he earns from his part-time job at a fast food chain. He was very proud of his blankets and told me that he does at least five a week and that it was important to him to not get behind on this schedule as people needed the blankets, especially at this time of year as winter nears.

Now for my honesty and learning moment…..

I confess that during my discussion with Pete that I felt for my wallet a few times. I knew that I had some cash in it and I thought on more than one occasion of giving Pete some money and suggesting that he go and purchase some more wool.

What was I thinking? How selfish of me? What would giving money to Pete have meant to him? Pete seems to have things sorted when it comes to getting his wool and I suspect that paradoxically, some stranger, a person who he’d met for around 10 minutes, offering money may not add to Pete’s purpose and meaning. Instead I suspect it could actually detract from it by making him feel like a person in need. I think the only thing that Pete was seeking was connection and conversation, not me feeling pity on him by providing money. Maybe any spare money is better given to support the amazing work of the Exodus Foundation!

Sad isn’t it, how I easily fall into the trap of thinking money (or material items) are what people seek, when connection and conversation are so much more valuable. This is something that I know that I am easily seduced by.

You too might be easily fooled into thinking that people who are without a home don’t enjoy their life and don’t have good times, or purpose and meaning in life. In fact, I wonder if some people in this situation may have more purpose and meaning than anyone with wealth and possessions?

I understand that life is not rosie for many who live on the street, and my intention is not to galmourise such a life, nor pretend that a one hour experience anywhere near accurately reflects the way that most people live. I mean what about the thousands of people who weren’t there to receive a meal?

But it did help me to understand, in a very small way, how a life without many possessions, without all of the riches that many of us are accustomed to, may still allow people to have purpose and meaning. Perhaps people like Pete, much more than many people who find great wealth and happiness with materials, are living the type of ‘rich’ life that so many desire.

Admittedly, people who are homeless are not a group of people that I am used to sharing time with but I do hope that might change in some way. Perhaps this is a way that I can continue to find more meaning and purpose in my life?

Not everyone is going to be fortunate enough to experience what James and I did last Thursday, but if you are looking for a way to support and contribute to those people without a home, you can donate at;

I’m so grateful for what I learned from Pete’s ball of wool.

Why we Need to Accept Pain and Suffering

Recognising that depression can be dealt with in a ‘paradoxical way’ may be why we in risk and safety struggle to understand it.

A close friend has recently started as a mentor in a program that supports women who have been victims of severe domestic violence, to work their way back into society. Part of the training for this role is the Accidental Counselor program.

My friend shared some of the details of the training and the thing that stood out clearly was that the role of the ‘counselor’ is not to fix people. If we do try to fix people she told me, we often unintentionally create more pain and suffering. The role of the counselor is to accept the other person’s pain and suffering, not to try to eradicate it. Listening and being present are the key things, my friend told me.

Pain and suffering are a normal part of what it means to be human. It is inevitable, essential and crucial in our maturing, growing and being. Pain and suffering are part of what is means to live, albeit not pleasant when we are in the midst of experiencing it. We should not seek to run from pain and suffering, instead we should listen to it and learn from it. In going one step further, we cannot experience true happiness and well-being if we don’t accept pain and suffering. The Buddhists have been onto this for years.

Challengingly in our modern world though, and in particularly in risk and safety, it is tempting to want to fix people when things are not quite running right. We can struggle to accept that pain and suffering are part of a normal life when we constantly hear messages focused on ‘fixing’, ‘helping’ and ‘preventing’. So why it is that humans find it difficult to cope with, and accept, pain and suffering?

This question is not an easy one to answer; however Kushner (2007) explores it when she poses;

It may be that instead of giving us a friendly world that would never challenge us and therefore never make us strong, God gave us a world that would inevitably break our hearts, and compensated for that by planting in our souls the gift of resilience.

(Kushner 2007, p.55)

When one is in the midst of pain and suffering and experiencing all of the feelings and emotions that go with pain, it may be difficult to understand that experiencing the pain is necessary for learning, maturing and importantly as Kushner notes, developing resilience.

So if we do accept that pain and suffering are essential for ‘being’ as a human and developing resilience, how can we go about dealing with it?

To explore this, lets consider the pain and suffering of grief.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her helpful book On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss provides a framework for people to work through grief and grieving. While she has been able to simplify this process down to five key stages of “denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance” (Kubler-Ross 2014, p.7), each stage is not described as a step-by-step process. Instead, Kubler-Ross (2014, p.22) outlines that each stage may be difficult and it may not be sequential, rather it can jump in stages. Importantly she also recognises the paradoxical nature of pain;

“As tough as it is, depression can be dealt with in a paradoxical way. See it as a visitor, perhaps an unwelcome one, but one who is visiting whether you like it or not. Make a place for your guest. Invite your depression to pull up a chair with you in front of the fire, and sit with it, without looking for a way to escape. Allow the sadness and emptiness to cleanse you and help you explore your loss in its entirety. When you allow yourself to experience depression, it will leave as soon as it has served its purpose in your loss. As you grow stronger, it may return from time to time, but that is how grief works.”

(Kubler-Ross 2014, p.22)

Recognising that depression can be dealt with in a ‘paradoxical way’ may be why we in risk and safety struggle to understand it. This is grey and messy, and not an easy concept to get our heads around. This will be especially so if our focus is zero harm, the favoured religion of many in risk and safety. Zero Harm is the epitome of the lack of acceptance for pain and suffering.

Suggesting that people “experience depression”, and “allow the sadness and emptiness to cleanse you” is outlining a process that is not clear-cut and unequivocal. Instead, is it implying that at times, life through a period of grief may be disordered, confusing and challenging.

Can you imagine anyone working in the risk and safety industry suggesting that people should experience pain and suffering and allow sadness and emptiness to cleanse them? Not a chance, that’s when the ‘Crusaders’ quickly jump into save you. For Crusaders, pain and suffering is nothing but an evil menace that must be eradicated and eliminated. You can hear this all through the language of safety, especially those that espouse ‘zero’.

I wonder what lessons there are in this story for those of us who work in risk and safety? How do we go about practicing more ‘counselling’ and less ‘crusading’? What is it in our language and practices that suggests that we cannot handle pain and suffering? How can we better understand the paradoxical nature of risk and safety; that is how can ‘pain and suffering’ and ‘safety’ co-exist?

I wish my friend all the best in her new role as a mentor; in her listening, in her being and in her ‘meeting’ with the woman that she will support. She knows that the woman doesn’t need fixing; she will do that all by herself.

As usual, we’d love to hear your feedback, experiences, critique and ideas.

Author:         Robert Sams

Phone:            0424 037 112

Email:             robert@dolphyn.com.au

Web:               www.dolphyn.com.au

Facebook:      Follow Dolphyn on Facebook

Amping it up in Safety

The SARF model accepts the important role that our social arrangements have in our decision-making. This is why an understanding of social psychology is critical in our understanding of risk.

In a recent blog I asked why are we afraid, and explored fear and how it may impact on our feelings, and decisions about risk. I also shared a story of how after the 911 terror attacks in 2001, American’s turned en mass to driving instead of flying. One result of this was an increase in the number of road fatalities during the first twelve months after they occurred, greater than the number of people killed in the terror attacks.

One source of the fear that changed people’s commuting habits was the media with their overabundance of dramatic reports that filled our minds with images of death, destruction and horror in the months, and years after these events. It continues today. Could this have been part of the plan for the terrorists? Ironically, could it be that reporting by the media is now a greater risk, rather than the risk of actual event?

Read the full post first published HERE

Why are we Afraid?

“…..every human brain has not one, but two systems of thought. They called them Systems One and System Two. The ancient Greeks arrived at this conception of humanity a little earlier than scientists-personified the two systems in the form of gods Dionysus and Apollo. We know them better as Feeling and Reason”

Daniel Gardner – The Science of Fear (p.16)

We’ve all been afraid of something at one time or another. The classic situation that I remember as a kid was being afraid of the dark; it haunted me for years and stopped me doing a lot of things. In more recent times, I recall being afraid of two guys who ‘looked like terrorists’ when I was on an international flight soon after 9/11 (more on this later). I recognise that fear has impacted my life in many ways. It can be debilitating, restrictive and a source of much anxiety. Today, I remain fearful of many things; least of all the fear of rejection, loneliness and isolation.

It could be easy though when we are not in the midst of a fearful situation to think that fear has no real influence on how we feel or how we make decisions or judgments. But perhaps this is because we are just not aware of how fear works? If our approach to understanding fear is focused on rational and logical decision-making, perhaps we only understand a small part of the story. In this piece I explore fear and try to understand how it makes us feel, why it can have such an impact on our lives and understand how it impacts on our decisions about risk.

READ THE FULL POST FIRST PUBLISHED HERE