The Efficiency Paradox: Saving Time, but Missing Life

I find quiet satisfaction in getting things done. There is pleasure in watching a long list submit to ticks, bringing an inbox briefly under control, or completing a task and placing it behind me. Efficiency gives structure to the day. It offers the reassuring impression that movement is the same as progress. Perhaps you recognise this too?

There is nothing inherently wrong with efficiency. Life requires order. Work must be done, children collected, bills paid and meals prepared. Yet my own attraction to doing has taught me that completed tasks are not the only consequences of action. When I take something over because I want it finished, I may experience relief while another person experiences my help as control. What appears to me as competence may quietly diminish someone else’s autonomy, contribution or sense of worth. I explored this previously in Reflections of a ‘Doer’.

The difficult question is therefore not whether efficiency can serve us. Clearly, it can. The question is whether it continues to serve us, or whether we have begun to serve it.

Here lies the paradox. We save time and discover that we have no time. We multiply connections and find ourselves lonely. We expand our choices and lose the capacity to choose what matters. We become productive in ways that leave us strangely unproductive in the things we claim to value. We get more done and, in the doing, miss what is happening.

Could our efficient lives be working exactly as designed, yet failing the human beings who live within them?

Busy, but Where Are We Going?

Our modern problem is not simply that we are busy. Human beings have always worked, struggled and carried burdens. Something subtler is occurring. We inhabit systems that measure movement more easily than meaning. They record how quickly we respond, how many tasks we complete and how much we produce. They are less capable of recognising whether we were present, listened carefully, noticed another person or experienced something deeply human. Consequently, what can be measured gradually becomes what matters.

A conversation becomes an appointment, a friendship becomes a network and a walk becomes exercise. Rest is reinterpreted as recovery for further work. Reading becomes content consumption, and sleep becomes a performance metric. None of these descriptions is entirely false, which is what makes them seductive. The difficulty emerges when usefulness becomes the principal way we understand experience.

What happens when nothing is permitted simply to be?

In The Pathway of Loneliness, I distinguish between a genuine meeting and a gathering organised around production. A genuine meeting requires “presence, trust and risk” and needs no agenda, minutes or formal record. An efficient gathering assembles people to produce an outcome. Both may have a legitimate place, but perhaps productive gatherings have begun to consume human meetings.

This reveals a troubling incongruence. We say relationships matter, yet offer them only the fragments of time left after the important work is done. We say family matters, yet remain half-present while checking the device in our hands. We say health matters, yet organise our days in ways that leave us depleted. We praise community while pursuing independence, convenience and “the privatisation of the self” (Long, 2013).

This is not hypocrisy in a simple, moralising sense. We may sincerely believe the values we profess. The deeper problem is that we live according to another set of values embedded in our culture, technologies and institutions. Our diaries, devices and patterns of attention may disclose our practical commitments more honestly than our words.

Efficiency was once a means. Its promise was compelling: spend less time on what must be done so that more time becomes available for what matters. But what did we do with the time we saved? We filled it. We then acquired tools to manage what we had added. Those tools created further capacity, so we added more again. Faster communication did not necessarily reduce communication; it multiplied it. Labour-saving technologies did not always liberate us from labour. They often raised expectations about how much could be accomplished and how quickly we should respond.

Attention Is Not Merely a Personal Problem

In Stolen Focus, Johan Hari presents the contemporary loss of attention as something more complex than an individual failure of self-discipline. His central claim is that powerful external forces have acted upon our attention and that an adequate response requires both personal and social change.

This does not mean that individuals have no responsibility. It means responsibility cannot be reduced to blaming ourselves and trying harder. If our environments are designed to interrupt and accelerate us while converting attention into economic value, personal discipline alone cannot explain our predicament. Nor is another productivity technique likely to rescue us.

Indeed, the search for a perfect productivity method may be part of the problem. We respond to excessive efficiency by seeking a more efficient way to manage it. When overwhelmed, we download an app. When unable to focus, we watch a short video about focus. When lacking time, we schedule rest. When disconnected, we increase digital connection. Even our resistance is converted into another technique.

Jacques Ellul challenges the assumption that technological means remain neutral instruments under our control. In The Technological System, Ellul (1980) argues that technology is not simply an instrument people can use however they like because it possesses its own momentum and direction.

His point is not that every technique is evil or that we should retreat into an imagined past. Rather, technological thinking encourages us to interpret human difficulties as problems awaiting technical solutions. It teaches us to place our faith in method, measurement and control, even when these are poorly suited to the human reality before us.

Sometimes a technical solution is appropriate. But grief is not inefficient sadness. Friendship is not an information exchange. Love is not a successful transaction. Silence is not a communication failure, and a human being is not a faulty machine awaiting optimisation. When the means become the end, the tools intended to support life begin to define what life is permitted to contain.

Attention Is How We Spend a Life

We often speak about attention as though it were merely a cognitive resource. We ask how we might concentrate for longer, eliminate distractions and produce more in less time. These questions remain contained within the framework of efficiency. A more confronting question is: what is our attention for?

Attention is not simply something we use to complete life. Attention is how we participate in life. What we repeatedly attend to becomes, in a practical sense, what receives our presence.

Here our incongruence becomes difficult to ignore. I may say the person in front of me matters more than the message on my phone, yet my eyes repeatedly drop to the screen. I may claim to value contemplation, but after a few unoccupied seconds my hand reaches automatically for stimulation. I may desire a rich inner life while rarely remaining still long enough to encounter what is within me.

This is not offered as condemnation, because I recognise myself in each example. The empathetic question is not, “What is wrong with you?” It is, “Can we notice what is happening to us?” Can we recognise the distance between what we profess and what we practise without retreating into shame, blame or another self-improvement programme?

Efficiency also enters our inner lives by teaching us to understand ourselves as projects. We monitor our output, assess our performance and invest in constant self-improvement. We build personal brands, turn leisure into development and convert experience into material for public presentation. Even vulnerability can become content. The self is no longer simply lived; it is managed, measured and marketed.

When exhaustion arrives, we treat it as another personal failure. Perhaps we failed to prioritise, establish boundaries or maintain the correct morning routine. These explanations may contain some truth, but they can conceal a larger question: what kind of life requires so much private effort merely to remain human?

The Shortages Created by Abundance

The technological world promises abundance and, in many respects, delivers it. We have extraordinary access to information, communication, entertainment and convenience. It would be unwise and ungrateful to deny these genuine benefits. Yet abundance can create its own forms of scarcity.

Ellul observes that technological affluence is “counterbalanced by the creation of new ‘shortages’: of space, air, time, and the like”. The more information we possess, the harder it becomes to decide what deserves attention. The more ways we have to communicate, the more difficult sustained conversation may feel. The more entertainment we can access, the less capable we may become of inhabiting an unfilled moment.

We are not starving for content, but we may be starving for depth. We are not lacking connection, but may be lacking communion. We are not always short of time; we may simply be absent from the time we have.

Ellul’s warning is particularly relevant because he argues that the technological system transforms communication itself. Technology may support contact between people, but communion can be reduced to technological communication when mediation replaces encounter. The quantity of connection may increase while the experience of meeting another person becomes rarer.

The Courage to Be Inefficient

What might resistance look like?

Perhaps it does not begin with rejecting technology, abandoning responsibility or pretending modern life can be unwound. It may begin more humbly, with a refusal to judge every moment according to its output.

This could mean having a conversation that goes nowhere useful, sitting with someone without trying to solve them, reading slowly enough to be changed, walking without measuring the distance, or listening without preparing a response. It might involve eating without simultaneously consuming information and allowing boredom to remain long enough for something unexpected to emerge.

Such practices invite us to regard attention as hospitality. When we attend to someone, we make room for that person to exist beyond their usefulness to us. We suspend, however briefly, the demand that the encounter produce something.

A real meeting is costly, which is why the cheaper substitute is attractive. Yet the cost of cheap connection may be loneliness. An encounter organised exclusively around utility may produce an outcome without creating a genuine “us”. Its apparent efficiency may be exactly what prevents it from becoming fully human.

There is a danger, however, in transforming this argument into another efficient programme for living less efficiently. Five steps to presence, seven habits of unhurried people or a thirty-day attention challenge would be too neat. The point is not to master life through a superior method. It is to recover our freedom to ask what our methods are doing to us.

The question is not whether efficiency is good or bad. It is whether efficiency has remained in its proper place. Does it serve life by creating room for love, reflection, play, relationship and genuine rest? Or has it become an unconscious object of devotion, requiring every activity to justify itself by producing something else?

We know how to move faster, but not always why we are going. We know how to remain connected, but not necessarily how to meet. We know how to fill time, but not how to inhabit it. We know how to make a living, yet may be losing touch with how to live.

What If We Are Not Behind?

Perhaps you are not behind. Perhaps the feeling of being behind is one of the ways an endless system maintains its hold upon us. There will always be another message, task, improvement, purchase, article or demand. There is no finishing line at which the modern person is finally permitted to say, “Now I have done enough. Now I may live.”

Living must happen before the list is complete. It must happen among unfinished tasks, uncertain relationships and unremarkable moments that cannot be converted into achievements. This requires something more confronting than time management. It asks us to relinquish the comforting illusion that a well-managed life is necessarily a well-lived life.

It also asks whether busyness protects us from questions we would rather not hear. Who am I when I am not producing? What remains when I stop performing? Which people receive what is left of me rather than the best of me? What values does my diary reveal? What am I postponing until life becomes less busy, and what if life never does?

I do not ask these questions from a place of mastery. I remain implicated in them, attracted to the satisfaction of accomplishment and the reassuring rhythm of doing. Yet perhaps we can pause together without turning even the pause into a technique.

Life is not waiting at the end of our efficiency. It is occurring now, quietly and inconveniently, without an agenda. While we have been busy saving time, there is every chance that life has been trying to get our attention.

References

Ellul, J. (1980). The technological system (J. Neugroschel, Trans.). Continuum. (Original work published 1977).

Hari, J. (n.d.). Stolen focus: Why you can’t pay attention and how to think deeply again. Official Stolen Focus website.

Long, G. (2013). Love over hate: Finding life by the wayside. Slattery Media Group.

Humble Inquiry: A Way of Being, or a Method?

It was Graham Long, the former CEO of The Wayside Chapel, who used to say that:

“People are not problems to be solved, but people to be met.”

I think about that line often, especially when working alongside front line leaders across the community sector and particularly when I reflect on my time at Lifeline, both supporting people in crisis and leading the teams who held those conversations every day.

There’s real energy right now around finding better ways (methods) to work with the people we serve: trauma-informed practice, strengths-based approaches, person-centred care. These shifts matter. Any movement away from fear, blame and punitive responses is a step in the right direction. But I’ve come to believe there’s a deeper question beneath all this good work: what does a new method actually achieve (no matter how good), if we haven’t first explored the worldview it rests on?

I want to explore that question through a conversation I had recently with someone I’ve worked alongside.

A Story About Humble Inquiry

This colleague had been reading Edgar Schein’s Humble Inquiry and was keen to bring it into how they led their team.

Schein describes humble inquiry as:

“…the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.” (p.2)

On a first read, it sounds simple enough: ask more open questions, listen more, tell less, build the relationship. And it could be that simple, if we treat humble inquiry as a method, a new technique to add to the toolkit.

But I don’t think that’s what Schein is pointing us toward. What if humble inquiry wasn’t seen as a method, but instead as ‘a way of being’ that requires us to genuinely accept people, along with their ideas, their fallibilities and their failings.

Why This Is Harder Than It Sounds

The community sector is full of well-meaning systems built to fix things: intake forms, risk assessments, case plans, KPIs. There’s nothing wrong with any of these on their own. But when our underlying worldview is about fixing rather than ‘meeting‘, we drag humble inquiry into it. We turn it into a process. We look for a script. We measure how often we’re “doing” it.

That’s what a fixing worldview does to good ideas. It’s what has happened to plenty of well-intentioned frameworks before this one: they start as an invitation to be more human, and slowly become another box to tick.

So why is it so hard to simply be with people, rather than fix them?

Because making our reason for being about someone else is genuinely difficult. Fixing feels productive. It feels like progress. Meeting people, on the other hand, means sitting with the uncomfortable truth that someone might be hurting, and that there’s nothing we can do to make that go away right now. That doesn’t feel as good.

During my time at Lifeline, I saw this tension every day, not just in conversations with people seeking support, but in how I led the team. The pull toward fixing was, and is, strong. It takes real discipline to stay with someone’s story rather than rush toward a solution.

If you find yourself reaching for humble inquiry as a technique to fix someone, there’s a good chance your worldview is still leaning toward fixing.

I Tried Humble Inquiry, But It Wasn’t Working

My colleague told me about a recent, difficult conversation with someone they support. They said:

“I tried Humble Inquiry, but it just wasn’t working, so in the end I just had to tell them what to do. They weren’t getting it. Sometimes you have to revert to telling.”

There’s truth in that. There are times when telling, not asking, is genuinely what’s needed. And there are times when asking open questions can feel frustrating for someone who came looking for answers.

But humble inquiry isn’t a formula that tells us exactly when to ask and when to tell. That call has a lot to do with the worldview we’re standing in when we make it.

Schein calls humble inquiry:

“…the gentle art of asking instead of telling.”

He also points to what gets in the way:

“The main problem: a culture that values task accomplishment more than relationship building.” (p.55)

Our sector knows this tension well. Targets, throughput, case closures, they all matter. But when task accomplishment outranks relationship, humble inquiry doesn’t stand a chance, no matter how many training days we run on it.

Where I’ve Landed

I’ll admit that, for a long time, my approach to leadership and helping people was grounded in fixing. It took years of sitting with my own discomfort, including during my time at Lifeline, before I saw what that worldview was doing to the people around the teams I led and to me.

I’d like to think my worldview now is more humanising, more willing to sit with people rather than ‘solve them’. I’m not against frameworks, tools or checklists. We need them, and there are good people who build them well. It’s simply that when a fixing worldview is left unexamined, it turns even our best intentions, humble inquiry included, into another thing we do to people, rather than a way we choose to be with them.

Dolphyn… the Y that calls us into community.

The Irony of Fixing: How Reductionism Can Break What It Tries to Repair

Working in the community sector, especially in mental health and suicide prevention, I am regularly reminded of Graham Long’s words, former CEO of The Wayside Chapel, who lived by the principle that “people are not problems to be solved, but people to be met.”

While it is common to hear people suggest “I’m broken”, they don’t often ‘break’ in predictable ways, and they cannot simply be repaired with tools, checklists, or quick fixes. Yet the temptation to “fix” people is strong, especially when we care deeply and want to lessen pain, distress, or risk.

I often think of my good mate Brian. He’s a talented tinkerer. If a machine isn’t working properly, Brian is the person you want by your side. He can analyse, adjust, and repair nearly anything mechanical. I once took him a second-hand lawnmower that barely sputtered. After a few hours with Brian, it ran like new.

But as much as I value Brian’s skill, I would never want him, or anyone, to try to “fix” me when I’m not quite right.

Because I am human, when I’m not feeling quite right, I need space to feel, to struggle, to learn, to grow. We need time to make sense of our own emotions, our own pain, our own stories. We are not objects to be tinkered with. We are beings to be understood, accompanied, and met.

In mental health and suicide prevention, this distinction matters deeply. People don’t reach out to us because they need fixing; they often do so because they’re seeking connection.

Pain Is Part of Being Human

In our sector, we hear constant messages about fixing, helping, preventing, and intervening. These all have their place. But so do pain, suffering, confusion and grief. These experiences are part of being human, part of how people develop resilience, meaning and identity.

As Harold Kushner writes:

“It may be that instead of giving us a friendly world that would never challenge us and therefore never make us strong, God gave us a world that would inevitably break our hearts, and compensated for that by planting in our souls the gift of resilience.”

(Kushner 2007, p.55)

When someone is amid pain, a parent grieving a child, a person facing a frightening diagnosis, someone carrying the weight of trauma, it can be hard to see suffering as any kind of “gift”. And yet, pain often shapes us in ways comfort never could.

Nonetheless, the urge to fix persists. We aim to remove pain because we don’t want people to suffer. However, sometimes, in our haste to fix, we may unintentionally silence, minimise, or override the very experiences people need to share.

The Trap of Reductionism

Another reason we try to fix people is because our systems are built on reductionism. We break problems into parts, identify causes, and apply solutions. This works well for machines, but it may not work so well for people.

Sidney Dekker describes this clearly:

“Newton and Descartes’ ideas have pretty much set the agenda for how we, in the West, think about science, about truth, about cause and effect… much of the thinking and work we do in safety and accident prevention is modelled after their ideas.”

(Dekker 2011, p.53)

Reductionism assumes that once we identify the broken part, we can fix it. But people are not just parts. They are stories, relationships, histories, cultures, emotions, and contexts. When we treat people as objects, we dehumanise them, even when our intentions are good.

Responding Differently

If we recognise that pain can build resilience and that reductionism dehumanises, then the question becomes: how do we respond differently?

  • Notice the cues of reductionism – when we start talking about people as problems, cases or risks, we may already be slipping into objectifying them.
  • Prioritise relationship over repair – compassion, empathy, listening and presence are far more powerful than solutions.
  • Be conscious of binary thinking – pain is not “bad”; growth is not “good”. Life is rarely that simple.
  • Honour the humanity in every interaction – in mental health and suicide prevention, our greatest tool is connection, not expertise.

Please Don’t Try to Fix Me

If you ever feel I’m not running quite right, I would welcome your time, your compassion, your presence and your conversation. But please don’t try to fix me.

I’m not a machine. Neither are the people we serve.

We are human beings, messy, complex, resilient, vulnerable, and capable of extraordinary growth when we are met, not repaired.

 

Author: Robert Sams Email: robert@dolphyn.com.au Web: www.dolphyn.com.au

References:

Dekker, S. (2011). Drift Into Failure: From Hunting Broken Parts to Understanding Complex Systems. Ashgate Publishing.

Kushner, H. S. (2007). Overcoming Life’s Disappointments. Anchor Books.

The Power in Helping

One of the profound lessons from my time working in mental health and suicide prevention is that helping is never just an act of kindness or support. Helping is also an exchange of power, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious, but always present. Whether we are the one offering help or the one seeking it, we step into a relational space shaped by influence, vulnerability, expectation, and meaning. Helping is not simply something we do; it is something we enact with another person, and in doing so, power moves between us.

Being helped can feel comforting, relieving, and deeply human. It can also feel exposing, disorienting, or even shame‑inducing. Offering help can feel purposeful and generous, but if we are not attentive, it can slip into rescuing, directing, or controlling. Helping is everywhere in our lives, yet we rarely pause to consider the power differential that sits quietly beneath it.

Edgar Schein’s work has been foundational in supporting my understanding of this dynamic. In his book Helping (2011), Schein writes:

“Helping situations are intrinsically unbalanced and role ambiguous. Emotionally and socially, when you ask for help you are putting yourself ‘one down’.” (p. 31)

Anyone who has ever reached out in a moment of struggle knows this feeling. Asking for help can be an act of vulnerability; a step into a space where the other person’s response can either restore dignity or unintentionally diminish it.

Schein also names the corresponding “one upness” of the helper:

“Being thrust into the role of helper is immediately a gain in status and power – literally if I help someone who has fallen, or symbolically if I am a counsellor, consultant, or coach who is being asked to provide wisdom and expertise to solve a problem.” (p. 32)

Have you ever felt “one up” when offering help?

Can you recognise the power that exists when you are the one with something to give?

Schein’s reflections remind us that every helping relationship begins in a state of imbalance:

“…at the beginning, every helping relationship is a state of imbalance. The client is one down and therefore vulnerable; the helper is one up and therefore powerful.” (p. 35)

This imbalance is not inherently negative; it is simply real. The question is whether we recognise it and how we choose to work within it. When we ignore the power we hold, helping can easily become directive or paternalistic. When we acknowledge it, helping becomes a shared act of humanity, a space where dignity and agency are protected.

In counselling and community work, the ethical use of power is not about providing answers or solutions. It is about creating space for the other person’s voice, meaning, and agency to emerge. Helping becomes less about doing and more about being with. It is about stepping into relationship, recognising the power we hold, and choosing to use it with humility, curiosity, and grace. It is about resisting the seductive pull of certainty and instead honouring the other person’s capacity to make sense of their own world.

Helping is one of the most ordinary things we do, yet one of the most profound. When we approach it with awareness of power; how it moves, how it shapes, how it can heal or harm, helping becomes a quiet act of leadership. The kind that strengthens relationships, builds trust, and reminds us that we are all, at different moments, both the helper and the helped.

Reflective Questions:

  • What are your experiences of the power in helping?
  • Can you think of some ways that you can be more mindful of the power that you might have, and what this might do in your relationships when offering help?
  • How does this play out in your world?

Author: Robert Sams Website: www.dolphyn.com.au Email: robert@dolphyn.com.au Phone: 0424 037 112

Dolphyn… the Y that calls us into community.

Coming Together: Why Community Matters in Mental Health and Recovery

In every community, there are people quietly navigating challenges with mental health, addiction, and the complex emotions that accompany them – shame, isolation, fear, and hope.

What often makes the difference is not a single intervention or program, but the presence of community: people coming together, listening, sharing stories, and reminding one another that recovery is not a solitary act.

At Dolphyn, we believe that the best way to support people through life’s challenges is to create spaces where meaning is made with others, not for them. This is the essence of social sensemaking: understanding risk, wellbeing, and life itself through relationship and dialogue.

When it comes to alcohol addiction and mental health, this communal approach is not just helpful, it’s transformative.

Who are some of the community organisations that are there to support people in our communities in these moments?


Hello Sunday Morning: Changing the Conversation About Alcohol

Founded in Australia in 2010, Hello Sunday Morning began as a personal experiment by Chris Raine to take a break from drinking and share the experience online. What started as one person’s story has grown into a global movement that helps thousands of people rethink their relationship with alcohol.

Through its digital platform Daybreak, Hello Sunday Morning connects people who want to change their drinking habits with a supportive online community. Members share reflections, challenges, and encouragement, creating a space where change happens through conversation and connection, not judgment.

The organisation’s philosophy is simple but powerful:

“We believe that changing your relationship with alcohol starts with understanding yourself and connecting with others.”

This is community in action, people learning from one another, finding meaning in shared experience, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of change.


SMART Recovery Australia: Practical Tools, Shared Strength

SMART Recovery Australia takes a similar community‑based approach, offering mutual‑aid meetings and programs where people support one another in managing addictive behaviours, including alcohol, drugs, gambling, and more.

SMART stands for Self‑Management and Recovery Training, and its model is grounded in evidence‑based psychology. But what makes it powerful is not just the tools: it’s the people.

Each meeting is a space where participants share experiences, learn practical strategies, and build confidence together. Facilitators guide the process, but the wisdom comes from the group itself.

SMART Recovery’s approach recognises that recovery is not about perfection or heroism; it’s about collective learning and shared accountability.
It’s about people discovering that they are not alone, that others have walked similar paths and are willing to walk beside them.


Community as a Protective Factor

Both Hello Sunday Morning and SMART Recovery Australia show that community is not a backdrop to recovery, it is the method.

When people come together, they create conditions that support healing that no policy alone can replicate.

They build trust, reduce stigma, and remind one another that change is possible.

In the language of Social Sensemaking, this is how we make sense of risk and life, socially, collectively, and compassionately.

Recovery is not a technical process; it’s a relational one. It happens in the spaces between people – in conversation, in shared vulnerability, and in the courage to be seen.


The Work Ahead

As we continue to face rising rates of anxiety, depression, and addiction across Australia, the challenge is not just to expand services but to strengthen communities. To create environments where people feel safe to speak, to listen, and to belong.

Organisations like Hello Sunday Morning and SMART Recovery Australia remind us that the most powerful form of support is often the simplest: being together.

At Dolphyn, this is the heart of our work, helping people and organisations rediscover the Y that calls us into community. Because when we come together, we don’t just manage risk.

We make sense of life – together.